Talk to Yourself Like a Buddhist

I had this idea of how I wanted motherhood to be.

I imagined being present and engaged with my baby, kind and loving to my partner, relaxed and centered with myself. As a family we would travel, go on hikes, cook together and laugh together around the dinner table. I believed this would be how I experienced motherhood because my relationship with my husband and my life before having a baby was kind, engaged, supportive, and vibrant.

Since becoming a mother what I’ve noticed is how easy these desires have been replaced by self-criticism. Where before I may have easily gotten down on myself and the way life was going once in a while. With mothering it seemed I’d get down and evaluate myself for absolutely everything, all the time.

Negative Self-talk

My negative self-talk led to being distant and distracted with my baby, unkind and impatient with my partner, and extremely harsh with myself. And do you think this was helping me create the type of relationship with my son and husband I envisioned?

From working with women all over the world I noticed was that this wasn’t something that was just happening to me. I noticed it was happening to the majority of mothers out there. Many of us speak to ourselves in demeaning and hurtful ways, using language we would never use with anyone else. To make matters worse, we often don’t even realize when we are doing this.

With this tendency to beat ourselves up as new mothers, it’s important to identify where this inner dialogue comes from. Taking care of ourselves is an important part of taking care of our little ones and our partnerships. Even if you are not a new parent, taking care of yourself by changing how you speak to yourself is important. As the way you see the world is a direct reflection of how you communicate with yourself about it.

Talk to Yourself Like a Buddhist

In my new book Talk to Yourself Like a Buddhist I share five mindful practices to help you change your relationship to negative self-talk. I show you how to create a new relationship with yourself, simply by noticing, investigating, and changing the words you use to speak to yourself. This new way of interacting with yourself is what leads to having the types of relationships you desire with your partner and child.

I’ve worked with many mothers and being a new mom myself I’m extremely familiar with the inner dialogue that can lead you down rabbit holes. But the wonderful news it that you don’t have to get stuck there. There is a way out. By changing the way you talk to yourself you can finally step in to the mothering role you’ve imagined all along.

If you’re ready to start now, change the way you communicate and sign up for The Intentional Communication Masterclass click here.

About The Author

Cynthia Kane is a certified meditation and mindfulness instructor. She is the author of How to Communicate Like a Buddhist and Talk to Yourself Like a Buddhist. Founder of the Intentional Communication Institute. Find out your communication style with the free quiz. She has helped thousands of people change their way of communicating through her online courses, workshops and certification program. She lives in Washington, DC with her husband and son. Visit her at

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