Keeping Your Flame Alive with Kids in Your Life
With our little buns in the oven, I’m realizing more and more how limited “OUR” time together is going to be once they’re here. This has got me thinking about how important it will be to schedule little dates for Tim and I to stay connected and nurture our love. As I venture into motherhood for the second (and third) time, here are a few ideas I have for keeping our pre-baby relationship vibes alive.
A pair of tickets to Plant Nite was a great start. Plant Nite is like Paint Nite but instead of painting a work of art, you hone your green thumb and make a beautiful plant garden. It was fun, there were quite a few couples there and everyone seemed to enjoy it! The instructors were laid back and had cute little quips in their pre-class oath like “I won’t throw dirt at my neighbor or put it in my mouth.” As a date this class is ideal, it’s casual, hands on and promotes an atmosphere where you can get to know one another through relaxed conversation. It facilitates topics if things are feeling dull, as you can talk about the process and the plants. Worst case scenario you can start a convo with the others at your table, or better yet make new friends. The best part is that you get to take your project home and display it in all of its glory as a reminder of the fun you had. I’m hanging the terrarium we made in the twins room.
Relive your first date. Tim and I went to The Spotted Pig in NYC on our very first date. It’s s What was it that you did on your first date? Maybe it was something simple, but now it feels so special because it was the beginning of your deep connection. Maybe it was a horrible date, and reliving it will give you some fresh laughs. Either way it can spark those initial butterflies you had for one another and intensify your relationship.
Get an “off-site” sitter and spend a night at home. Sending Timothy out with his grandparents (when they are in town) for the night is a great way for Tim and I to reconnect at home. A quiet home cooked dinner, candles and a dorky Rom Com (or a board game if you choose: no electronics allowed) really allows us to be in our element, completely relaxed and focused on one another. It’s a budget friendly answer to some time together when we are both running on empty.
Partner yoga or Thai massage is another fantastic way to rejuvenate and create connection. Watch a YouTube or grab a book and have fun trying it out. I like to stretch Tim out after he goes for a long bike ride or plays tennis. When I’m doing my own yoga practice, he will sometimes give me an assist and it feels so good! You could also take turns giving each other massages.
Create your own “book club”. Take turns choosing a book that you can both read at the same time. Schedule a discussion after you finish each chapter. This is a great option when you are really cramped for time together. Your meetings can be short and sweet but you’ll get to know each other a little better. Tim is a kindle reader and I like to have a physical book in my hand. We take turns picking a book to read and it’s opened me up to reading more genres and other books I might not usually choose on my own.
Take a babymoon. Especially if this is your first child. This trending, fantastic way to really zen out before your little bundle(s) of joy arrive. The first year can be a little chaotic and if you don’t live near to family most trips are related to relatives. Choose a destination that is calming and allows you to spend a lot of time relaxing together, (also zika-free at this point) Bermuda and Portugal are the first places that come to mind for me. So if it’s in your budget, this is a splurge worth making. We lucked out when I was pregnant with Timothy, Tim’s friend flew a bunch of us to Jamaica for his 40th Bday. I was in my 5th month and The Golden Eye resort was the perfect babymoon retreat.
Whatever it is you do, it doesn’t matter as long as you do it together. Blocking off special “couple” time helps refresh the relationship and your bond beyond parenthood. A strengthened relationship will also give your children stability, security and something to aspire to in their own future relationship goals.